Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Blogtember: Where I Come From

Describe where or what you come from. The people, the places, and/or the factors that make up who you are.

Yeah, that's me. Circa 2010.
Well, I guess here goes a brief history lesson on little ol' me! I was born on January 4, 1995 in Twentynine Palms, CA, where my dad was stationed with the USMC. My parents are both from New Hampshire and were together since high school. I don't remember anything about California though, because we moved away when I was 1. That's about the same time as when the pretty carrot-top hair I was born with all fell out for another year until it grew back platinum blonde. No joke. I was born with the hair color I'm so desperately trying to achieve now. It kinda makes me hate baby me a little.

Anywho, we moved to Beaufort, SC then. Right where I am now.  There was a lot of moving around later in my life, but I ended up right back here. My parents divorced when I was very young, about 3 or 4 I think. Both of them remarried, and I moved out to Oklahoma City, OK with my mom when I was 9. There, my mom gave birth to my brother, and my stepmom gave birth to my little sister in Ohio. I had always wanted a little brother or sister... I got both within 4 months of eachother! My brother's father was never a part of his life due to personal issues, so I became his second parent. It wasn't a fair thing for a 9-year-old, but it is what it is.

Because of having to raise him alongside my mother as I did, I feel that I became a very motherly person from a young age. Even nowadays, I find myself playing mother hen to my friends sometimes. I know it gets annoying, but it's just because I care and I worry. I opened my range of affection at a young age, and it stayed that way. I can't bear to see someone else cry, even if I don't know them.

I think because my parents were divorced when I was so young, and my mom's second marriage wasn't ideal either, I became very cautious and insightful and choosy. I never felt any real affections for anyone until high school and didn't date anyone until I met Joe in sophomore year. It's not that I didn't have the whole middle school girl "Ooooh, he's really cute!" moments, I just was very watchful. I never invested myself into friendships until I had observed the person for a while. I like to stay back and see a person's mannerisms and the way they talk and handle situations. I feel like I have avoided a LOT of drama in my life, and a lot of heartbreak. Many people think that I'm super shy because of this, but really... I'm just absorbing the people around me. 

I have wondered sometimes if I am introverted or not. I love being around people, but because I am very quiet around new people at first, I find it difficult. I like to know what kinds of things people like before throwing myself into a conversation with them. So for everyone else that I know to be talking with the person before I get a good feel for their personality, what they find offensive and what topics to avoid, etc., I get frustrated and can come off as a bit clingy and whiny with my friends. And it's exhausting. It's not that I like to be the center of attention, because lord knows I can't stand all eyes being on me, it's just that I like to know that I am safe talking to the people that I do. 

My schedule doesn't really allow me to hang out with people much anyway, so when I do, I get excited and exhausted and by the end of it I kinda wanna go home and cry because I basically used up all of my energy for about a week. Being around a lot of people and a lot of personalities gets me extremely emotional. In DC, I shared a room with 3 of my friends in choir and the second night I burst into tears over my bra cups' outline being seen through the fabric of my dress. Not a big deal, but it basically made me not even want to go to the awards banquet. I would have missed out on us winning 1st place and Most Outstanding Choir! Nationally!

I feel that I definitely have room to grow, and I work every day to try and overcome some of the personal issues that I have. But I am also proud of who I am today, because I could be much worse than I am now. I have never drank alcohol and I never want to. I have never smoked and I never want to. I have never done drugs of any kind and I never want to. I could be in a much more unhealthy place. I could be like many people my age and drinking underage and off at "parties" getting high. But I'm not, because I know how to make the right decisions for me. And I am so proud of that. I have a wonderful, loving boyfriend, and a great future ahead of me. I'm proud to say that my past truly has affected me, made me stronger.


No comments:

Post a Comment